I know what people want and I know how to get it to them. I will tell your story to the world and I will target it to all the right demographics. I will tailor your tales of woe for optimal search engine accessibility. I will encourage the masses to like you, to share you, and to subscribe to you all. I will generate you into content, I will make each and every man woman and child consume you and link to you. Our victory will be heralded by a universal cry of "WTF?!"