I get my protein powder from a vendor off a site on the dark web that I’m contractually not allowed to tell you where. I also can’t say exactly what’s in it, but I will say it’s a potent combination of more or less of beef, chicken, pig, pig snout, pig hooves, cow hooves, cow tail, cow liver, chicken feet, chicken beaks, chicken eggs, pig placenta, pig ribs, cow bones, wishbones, chicken bones, and crickets.
Well, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is, since you last saw me, I’ve shaved all the hair on my head and grew a little more on my face. The bad news is I have just the routine to mold your body from a shape of chewed-up gum, into the shape of that gum molded into two hundred pounds of pure muscle.
A pood, by the way, is a Russian unit of weight equal to 16 kg, and I don’t have time to convert that into pounds because I’m too busy having a body that can kill a man with one punch.